Getting Infected

“Thought is an infection.
In the case of certain thoughts,
it becomes an epidemic.”
— Wallace Stevens

The death of Cpl. Jason Bogar last month in Afghanistan provided me with an intimate look at my own violence immune system. As I've mentioned in other postings, Jason — the son of a friend of mine — visited one of my courses on the “Violence Integrative Prevention and Restoration (PAR) Model” before he was deployed to Iraq, then Afghanistan where he was killed in combat.

When I got the news from my friend, Rev. Michael Bogar, that his son was one of the nine killed on the 13^th of July, I was deeply affected. My affection for Jason came from my brief experience of him as well as my awareness of Michael's love for, pride in, and concern for Jason.

Right: Cpl. Jason M. Bogar with
children in Afghanistan.

Powerlessness

After getting over the initial shock of the news, I felt a deep sense of powerlessness come over me. I kept mulling the memory of Jason in my mind. I thought about the incredible pain Michael and Jason's mother, Carlene Cross, must have been going through. I thought about the rest of Jason's family. I thought about my own sons. I wished there was something I could do to fix things in some way, to bring Jason back. But there was no fix for this.

Rage

As I realized that there was nothing within my power that would make things right, I felt myself go cold. Thoughts of revenge against the Taliban soldiers, the Army, our government, “warmongering” supporters of war, and any other “villains” I could think of ran through my mind. I felt as though I and those I care about had been victimized and that someone should pay for it.

Watching

As I got more agitated and frustrated, my attention turned to the PAR Model. I noticed how caught up I was in the “Objectification/Action Process” — a central concept in the model. I was moving through the five stages of the process which ends with violence.

1. Stage 1 is the transaction — the knowledge that Jason was dead and that there was nothing I could do about it.
   
   
2. Stage 2 is the accusation — I characterized the situation in perpetrator (“them”) and victim (“us”) terms. This provides the justification for violent action.
   
   
3. Stage 3 is objectification — I began to characterize those I was accusing as objects. They were “terrorists,” “warmongers,” “stupid politicians,” “mindless officers,” “enemy,” “incompetents,” and so on.
   
   
4. Stage 4 is passing sentence — making sure that what ever I thought they “deserved,” it would be congruent with the crimes I decided they committed. Here the process stopped. I didn't make it through this stage or to stage five.
   
   
5. Stage 5 is the execution of the process — the delivery of the punishment, the acts of violence.

What Happened?

A couple of things happened for me. First, I was observing the process, knowing that it was the voice of powerlessness talking. The PAR Model describes violence as a “thought-borne pathogen” — a “brain bug,” if you will. I know how it works and how I was at risk of transmitting the bug through any act of violence of my own.

Second, my violence immune system is sufficiently healthy that, other than having some angry thoughts, there was no way I was going to act out any violence. I wasn't going to hurt anyone physically, demean anyone or threaten anyone. My immune system is healthy because I have a more-than-sufficient experience of power in my life. My level of resiliency is such that the pathogen could not take over. There was no risk of hurting anyone in this case.

Recovery

My recovery from the grief, sadness, and sense of powerlessness is helped greatly by being given the opportunity (and privilege) to contribute to Jason's memorial. Taking some form of positive, concrete action dramatically speeds the recovery process. Writing about Jason (including this posting), remembering things for which I have every reason to be thankful (including the brief experience of knowing Jason), and recognizing what is going on internally have contributed to rebounding from a terrible event.

I'm still sad and disappointed. But I have no thoughts of getting even or having anyone pay. The violence pathogen's attempt to hijack me was unsuccessful.

Power and Resiliency

In forthcoming postings, I explore the notions of power and resiliency further.